Lipgloss & BeerNo Drama.

I’m a mother of a beautiful daughter who’s a year and a half, a wife to a devoted husband and hard worker, an adopted daughter of preacher, an only sister of 4 older brothers and friend to those that let me. That pretty much wraps it up in one sentence. The journey I share starts here in my life…days before my breast augmentation operation. This is the point of my life of where all this begins with me.

To know reasons why, I’m sure they are much the same as many others but I’ll share with you as though I’ve never heard these reasons before. To be completely honest, I’ve secretly always loved the look of breasts. There’s the appeal of looking sexy and feminine. Who doesn’t want to look and feel sexy. I’ve always been the petite lil thing with no chest. Life of padded bras and now since having a baby more so. I find it ridiculous in that I now wear a two bras one being a water bra with silicon inserts just to make it appear I have a chest. I don’t remember having a low self image so much because of my breasts, it’s just always been a thing with me of wanting that sexy look and appeal of breasts. I would get frustrated when I would go shopping and see tops I knew I wouldn’t even try on because there was simply no point. There was no way I was going to be able to pull it off. Now with even a flatter chest then what I had before, I’ve noticed the tops that I used to wear that fit me before baby…are now falling down on me. I’m always putting my hand over my chest if I bend over and so paranoid that people can see down my shirt. The idea of getting a boob job was something I always said I was going to have done but never really took into consideration of being a reality until the past year.

It was my husband that needed the convincing. He simply did not understand the need of this operation. His excuse was that he saw me beautiful just the way I was and for a long time flat out told me there was no way he was going to let me have it done. I remember him telling me when we were living together before we were married that he would never date a woman with a boob job and that he would leave me if I ever got them done. So the dream of having breasts was put to a halt. It wasn’t again until after I had our daughter and was done breast feeding that I came to realize my complete dissatisfaction with the look of my breasts. They’ve always been small…but now smaller and not with so much perk…which was the one perks of having a smaller chest. Between this and the frustration of clothes wearing it came apparent in my needing and wanting a boob job.

Now it was the first step of getting the Hubby to understand where I was coming from. This was the hardest part. There seemed to be fears on his side or this idea that I would get them done and become some sort of tramp and leave him. If any of you knew my husband you would maybe understand his way of thinking…but this is part of how he thinks…once he gets an idea in his head it takes near a miracle to make it budge. It wasn’t really until he finally took the effort to sit back and watch me and see that it only took one quick glimpse to see down my top and see the paranoid unhappy look that came from it that he finally could start to realize this was much more than just an attention seeking operation.

So it is literally 2 days before my operation. I think I should feel more excited. Even with my husbands understanding of it and support of it…it’s just that I don’t get the I’m excited and can’t wait to see the after. I would think most men would be ecstatic, but in this case I’m happy and clinging to fact I have the support. I’m scared that he won’t like them afterward. What if he doesn’t…how selfish am I to take that away from him to appear sexier on the outside. I have to remind myself this is after all just for me. I think this is what makes it so hard. I’m doing this for me not anyone else. When was the last time I really did something for me and no one else. The things I do are for my daughter, my husband, my family, my friends, people I love and care about…this is something I’m solely doing for me 100%. Ok…so maybe I’m fibbing there…I did just buy an iPhone that I’ve wanted now for years…that was definitely all for me. So boobs and iPhone…does that make me selfish? I guess for whatever reason I always feel guilty when I self indulge. For what reason…I do not know.

So other than the fact I’m uncomfortable with the idea of doing something completely for myself…I’m of course terrified of the pain and the idea that there could be complications from all this. Then there’s the fear of the unknown. What the heck is it going to look like…what and how am I going to look after I get this done? It’s like knowing you’re going to get all your hair chopped off and colored for the first time not knowing how it’ll turn out…only times 100! This is permanent…drastic and permanent. It’s scary. It’s something I’ve always wanted and it’s here and I’m scared to death of it.

I’ll have to say the first most scary step of it all wasn’t trying to convince my Hubby of how I needed and wanted one…but the telling all to my parents. Mind you my dad is a retired minister. It was just as scary as the day I told them I was moving in with the boyfriend. Oh this might have been worse. However, it was to my pleasant surprise when I came to find out they supported me. Maybe not so much my Dad but my Mom was very supportive. I was shocked to say the least. I was for sure they would frown upon it. But they understood and my mom was interested with questions of what it all entailed. Amazing!

That being done with it’s now just a matter of going through with the procedure. This is where I keep up to date and post my emotions, pains and excitement of the whole ordeal. I simply pray for everything to go well, with no complications and no long time in pain. I’m sure the other hardest thing for me is to not be able to pick up my daughter for the first week or so. In less than 2 days, I will be well on my way to having the chest I’ve always wanted!